Accidia occidere

Follow the adventures of a lone nerd as he fights a losing battle against Apathy.

Self-improvement, trial-and-error style.

Alright, obviously this ain’t been postville the latest weeks, this is because of… something something. Yep, i’m just lazy. Also I have had a couple of weeks of awesomeness brought on by the coming of summer in my humble country; I have been outside running, playing basketball and enjoying myself.

However the brighter the sunshine, the deeper the shadows. (As perceived by human eyes at least.) What I mean is that that the apathy is still a  factor, more so than ever. I rarely go completely cold for more than a couple of days, this time it was almost a week, feelsbadman.jpg. However, when one is hidden from the sun, one must learn to enjoy the shadows, and I am slowly learning.  The lack of emotions and general disinterest in anything outside of myself can be used to improve myself, hopefully. I’m  working on it, the best-case scenario would be if I could use the cold cycles to focus extra on my interests, something which is hard when emotions are more in control. The problem is that for some things I have no motivation at all when I am apathetic, I’m suspecting this is because they pose no actual challenge to me. When I am normal I can take interest in learning things that are easy simply because they are worth learning, but when I’m cold I want something that challenge and excite me intellectually. Anyway, that’s just some general thoughts, It’s not what this post is actually about.

Improvements.

I have introduced three chemicals into my everyday routine. The first is Melatonin, via the brand Circadin which I got prescribed from a local hospital after specifically asking for it as a solution to my sleep cycles issues. The result of this little experiment is that during the 21day dose I have for the first time in my life experienced the feeling of actually getting tired as it gets dark, sleeping without regular interruptions and then waking up automatically in the morning just from the sun. This is wonderful and new to me, and the effect is lasting somewhat after the 21 days, I’ll see in the next weeks if it stays or if I should get another pack. Either way this was a clear success.

The second and third chemicals are a combo; DMAE and Piracetam. DMAE is methylated into choline which is a widely used neurotransmitter in the brain. The main reason I started a regiment of this is that I wanted to take another chemical called Piracetam, and this Piracetam can lead to a deficiency of choline in the brain, and after trawling the nets for info DMAE (via the brand Denubil) seemed like the best alternative to correct this. I have noted no direct effect of DMAE since a). I haven’t had a stable environment to evaluate the effects, and b). I have taken it just minutes prior to each day’s first dose of Piracetam, and so any experienced effects could easily be due to the piracetam. However, I haven’t had any of the headaches associated with choline deficiency, and since my nutritional intake, sleep and and general physical state has been all over the place this weekend and to a lesser extent also the last two weeks during which I have taken this combo, I can assume that continued high dosage of piracetam (2400mg, 4 times a day) would have made a dent at some point.

As to the effect of the Piracetam I was both delighted and disappointed. I had imagined the “focusing” effect to be an increased mental control and capacity for simultaneous mental tasks. However a boring task was just as hard as usual; I still had to stimulate myself mentally in some way while performing low-challenge tasks, so this was not a solution for maintaining attention in boring situations. However when I did get a decent challenge I was able to focus on it in an amazing way, putting all of my mind into it. Basically my focus and attention span has increased, but I have not gained any greater control over my mind; I am still bothered by distractions, but they are now easier to ride out.  I also found that what I tried to learn and read while on Piracetam+DMAE had a greater impact, It “stuck” better in my mind and was easier to recall. Reading a book like ‘Thus spoke Zarathustra’ with all it’s complexity is a delight when in this state of mind.

I was wondering a little about the combined effect of the Piracetam+DMAE combo and caffeine, and I do indeed have some results from that as well. To put it simply; It works. I can dose the Piracetam and also caffeine and get both the focus benefits and the energy kick from caffeine, but it is necessary to keep them separate to avoid brain fog. If I dose 2400mg of Piracetam and immediately follow up with a strong dose of caffeine (a large red bull for example) I get what is best described as “brainfog”, a dull and comfortable feeling and lack of focus spreading in my mind. It’s not bad per se, I for recreational purposes it would be great. But I am not much for that sort of thing, and this effect is the opposite of the one I want. Anyways, Piracetam+DMAE as focus and performance-enhancing is great, if  only I could find something to greatly increase my metabolism at the same time I would have the perfect combo.

Whoops, work snuck up on me. Over and out.

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